~SiLeNt MoMeNt ~

blogger:

today i m very unlucky..i dun wan to say..
it is meaningless to mention the past wif bad memory..
after the incident..
i met 2 girls..2 little girls..
they r so cute..
they came to me..
they said:" can u pls help me to find my father? i din c my father.."
but they r so strong...
they din cry..
i can c from their face..
they try not to cry..
i admire them..
if i was them..in their young age..
i m crying..u believe? lol..
that time..after my unlucky incident happened..
that's is my first smile today..
i said:" come on..let's go..u remember ur dad's hp no. right?"
i brought them to the service counter..
but we haven even going to the service counter..their father back to them..
they din cry..
is true..
i really admire them..
i stand by the side..
i know..
none of the parents dun care about their children..
no matter how mischievous their children are..
they r still their children..

luckily..i gt to know some frens there..
they dunno wat happen to me..they talk to me as usual..
i m that kind of ppl who dun like to let ppl guess my mind easily..
i would rather they talk to me as usual..den talk to me with the tone juz like i m making my frens worry about me..
i keep everything inside...
zip inside my heart...
i talked to a fren as usual..he dunno wat happen to me..
he talk to me as usual..
we argue about a small matter...
fighting wif each other to be the winner..
lol..
i back to happy again..
he looks even happier den me..
caz..he always look happy..juz like the santa claus..(i mean the body size..hehe^^)

11.40pm
20/12/2008

礼物

comments (4)

今天，我在工作的时候看到一个很可爱的杯子。。
它的图案超可爱的。。我多期盼它是我的圣诞礼物。。
更希望它是我的生日礼物^^
不过我很少跟人说我喜欢什么。。
因为这样显得没什么surprise..
老实说。。我很喜欢surprise..haha..

老早。。我也看上一个音乐盒。。它的款式很卡通。。是给小孩子的。。
我打开它。。里面的洋娃娃在跳舞。。
音乐洋溢着宁静的气氛。。
超棒。。
但是。。都没有人送过我这些东西。。
但是没关系啦。。
别人送什么也是一番心意。。
怎样也得收下。。。然后脸带笑容的说:"thank you ^^"
看来爸妈也不知道我喜欢这些。。
不过不要紧啦。。
我打算买下。。
送给朋友。。
希望他们也喜欢我的味道。。哈哈

15/12/2008
11.25pm

生命

最近，每天工作。。
知道前天，我才翻开报纸。。
我觉得很惊讶。。原来。。近两天已经发生一场大悲剧。。
那就是土崩。。那还不要紧。。最令人失望的是。。拯救员竟然见死不救。。还偷受害者的财产。。
我看了。。觉得又气又恨。。
我气是因为。。是因为我身为一位马来西亚人。。对自己的国家很失望。。
我恨是因为。。如果那些拯救员有些良心的话。。那么。。死亡人数就不会那么多。。
难道他们认为生命。。是不值得珍惜吗?
原来在他们眼中。。生命是不文一值的。。
希望那些生还者。。坚强的活下去。。那就是对已逝的人一个好交代。。一个报答。。
也希望。。已逝的人。。你们安息吧。。
我们会默默的为你们哀悼。。

还有另一篇。。
《巴士撞树10死18伤》。。那些图片。。真的令人心酸。。
母女身亡。。家人痛哭流涕。。
就连巴士司机的赔赏也不要。。
我听说是那司机在驾车途中打瞌睡。。结果才造成这起意外。。
10条人命。。就这样在他手上结束了。。
人就是这样。。必须经过生老病死。。
那么。。随时我也会死去咯？
老天真的很爱玩人。。不过这也告诉我。。要时时刻刻珍惜身边人。。
尤其是家人。。
我不想子欲养而亲不在这个谚语从我口中而出。。
生命说走就走。。往往不会给予任何暗示。。
人与人之间。。也许老天注定。。每个人一定要痛苦。。痛哭一次。。
听到身边的人离去。。有谁不哭？有谁不流泪？
我希望离我远远的爷爷。。我希望你身在天堂。。
你一定要身体健康。。
我答应你。。我会好好读书。。
其他事我不会再理会。。
我唯一的遗憾。。就是没和你一起合照。。
我连你一张照片都没有。。
但是你的样貌。。已经深深地刻在我的脑海里。。
我不会忘记你的。。我也希望你不会忘记我。。
像天使般守护在我身边。。
不让我被坏人欺负。。让我健康平安长大。。
你是我的天使。。最纯。。最好的天使。。
爷爷，I LOVE U..

12/12/2008
11.52am

sorry

To a fren:

i feel to sorry to him..
he is looking for a part time job currently..
i search for him...
but no vacancy..
i asked here n there..
they only wan girls..n the others r full..
i even told him..: "u replace me.."
but after that only i realise..
i cannot simply find ppl to replace me without telling the boss..
so...anyway..
sorry again...

the next case..
he found here n there...
the result is "0"
he looks sad from day to day..
i seldom c him to smile happily..
he told me he might giv up searching job..
the moment he told me that..
i was very angry..
how can he giv up so fast?
but after that..i think myself..
maybe once he giv up..he will feel better..
he wont always say he is unlucky..
he wont always think he is hopeless..
maybe once he giv up searching it..
he will gt the spirit back n work for his future again..
maybe that time..the result is different..
i think he will..
now he needs support.. encouragement..
but..b4 that...i scold him..
i was so sorry..
maybe the opportunity haven come to u yet..
i hope u will be patient..
it will come to u soon..
anyway..sorry...
i hope u will read my blog..
i never think u will forgive me..
i juz hope that..
u will be happier than b4..
juz dun force urself..
maybe one day...
the job will find u..
good luck..
all the best =)

10/12/2008
12.10am

肉骨茶

comments (3)

肉骨茶是我的最爱。。^^
几乎每次吃了。。必定回味无穷。。因为实在太好吃了!!
尤其是干的。。哇。。一个字：棒！
味道。。太独特了。。
又香。。有好吃。。
只要你吃它的酱。。只会一直吮手指。。
啊！实在太棒了。。
我很久没去吃了。。
要是我有去吃。。
一定介绍让大家尝尝。。^^

8/12/2008
2.25pm

圣诞节篇

各位读者:

今天，这篇文章是献给于全部人。。只想与大家分享^^

打从4号起，我开始在jusco工作。。
很多人都问我：“好好的。。为什么转工?”
我其实不是真真想转工的。。我其实有了计划，打算12月玩翻天。。
但是我朋友叫我陪他。。他一个人。。很闷。。
想了又想。。我还是告诉他：“让我想想吧。。”
他又继续说:"我们卖的是圣诞节的东西。。很好玩的。。来啦来啦”
听着听着。。我的心还是被吸引住了。。
当我跟爸妈说这个决定的时候。。
他们似乎。。不是很高兴。。
他们问：“你不是说12月就不做了吗？”
我说：“我。。想赚多一点钱嘛。。”
他们没话说了。。

还有几天。。。就是圣诞节了。。
虽然我不是基督教徒。。但我还是想试试庆祝圣诞节。。。
交换交换礼物。。装饰圣诞树。。
很开心。。很有满足感。。
我工作了3天。。这3天里。。。我仿佛天天都在庆祝圣诞节。。
每天对着圣诞节的东西。。
带带圣诞帽。。看看来自教堂的表演。。还有小丑。。还有还有!!!圣诞老人^^
他们都派礼物。。全部都是糖果。。（只给小孩。。不给少年T-T)
算了。。没关系啦。。
少吃不会怎么样^^

他们的表演很棒。。很棒。。
有choir。。有魔术表演。。
所有人。。当中包括小孩。。。大人。。工作人员。。
都看得很尽兴。。此时此刻。。大家都好像变成小孩一样。。
非常投入。。脸上只有笑脸。。
看到大家那么开心。。表演者也开心起来。。
原来开心是可以传染的。。
哈哈。。

每当表演者表演的时候。。
尤其是choir的时候。。
他们的歌。。。很感动。。也很好听。。
他们的歌。。很有意思。。
他们的歌。。让我想起《卖火材的小女孩》的小女孩。。
也许当他们无助的时候。。听到这些歌。。也会对这世界充满希望。。重新奋斗。。
但愿。。全世界。。无论你今年能不能过一个快乐的圣诞节。。
也希望你。。天天快乐。。
当你对这世界失去斗志心的时候。。要永远记得。。
上天会呵护着你。。记得。。别随便结束你的生命。。
生命是宝贵的。。即使你没有能力让全世界的人开心。。
也希望你让你自己开心。。只要你开心。。
你身边所有的人。。都会因为你而开心^^

预祝大家。。圣诞节快乐^^

7/12/2008
11.50pm

argh!! i m innocent!

blogger:

yesterday...dec 3 was my last day at sushi king...
i tot...i juz wan to perform my best...n leave good memory in my life...
haiz....dunno y..
last day...still gt scolded from manager... T-T
she scolded me two times in one day....
the first time was in the morning...
the second time was at the afternoon...
i try my best....
i wan to impress others before i leave...
but..haiz...
the first time...
well..i admit..
is my fault...
i accidentally wrote wrong the bill...
actually the customer din eat....
but i stated that she ate...
luckily the customer good...she din mind much.....
but then...
the manager....scolded me...
ok.....i apologise...
i said sorry...
she said..i hav to pay...
den...i act stupid...haha!!
u wan me to pay?
next time la....oh no....no more next time..
is impossible for me to pay ....hehe....
actually...i hurt aledi..
but i pretend dun mind in front of my frens...
haiz...
so suffering....

alright...next case..
erm.....that time...was evening...
3 customers came in..
they r family...
den...i take the orders for them...
a mad guy...(dun call him man....he is not man at all)
he ordered a salmon head...
ok...i sent the order to the kitchen...
that time..when i sent the order to the kitchen...
the chef was not there....
only his assistance....but the assistance was new...
he did not know much...
but no long after that...
the chef was back...
the salmon head was finished...
ok....i told the customer that the salmon head was finished...
i asked him politely.. :"sir...would u like to order other food?"
then he said in an angry face...
"after 15 minutes den only u tell me dun hav the salmon head...?!"
oh my god...i was shocked...
i said:" sorry...the chef was juz told me that..."
den he said...:"ask ur manager come and c me..."
manager?...haiz....gt scolded again....
i predict correctly...she din scold me in front if the customer...
she scold me in the kitchen...
she said...:' next time...kalau tak tahu...tanya..."
hey...i asked ok?
but all of them say gt...
except the chef..caz that time he was not there...
ok...fine..
i dun wan argue...
i juz say...ok...gt it...
i was angry from my heart...
i din do anything wrong...
y u blame me?
b4 the customer left...
he asked one of the service crew...
" u gt ur manager's phone no.?"
den the service crew said..."dun hav..."
i dunno wat is his purpose...
maybe he wan to complain....
o even...
haha...
pikat her ba...lols...
hey uncle....u gt children le....gt wife....dun luan luan lai....
lol....

4/12/2008
10.44am....

SPM...finally...over...(cn)

部落格：

今天。。。12 月2日。。。他的SPM 完了
昨天我已经问了他：“你明天又到哪里去吗？”
他说：“没有”
于是我问他。。你要出去吗？
他说：“好啊^^”
大约11pm。。我已经到了IOI MALL。。。
我等他。。。
他一点才到。。我带了功课到那边温习。。。
不久。。我到JUSCO走走。。。
我要买些东西。。这是。。电话响了。。原来是他到了。。
他说他在麦当劳。。叫我快点到。。
我其实不想那么快到。。。我走着走着。。。
我犹豫着。。。
我是不是不该见他。。说好了一年嘛。。。应该不可以见面。。
但是。。我想给我自己和他一个机会。。
今天他的表现。。又让我失望了。。
我不知道是不是我让他不开心。。
不用问。。这是答案。。
他还是像以前一样。。没改过。。
他大力拍桌子。。说话也蛮大声。。差点吓到我的朋友（L)。。
回到家后。。我跟他道歉。。说声对不起。。
还好他大方。。还叫我忘了它。。
我只好这样做。。
我病了两天了。。
喉咙痛。。伤风。。头痛。。声音也变了。。
应该是最近熬夜。。老朋友来找我喝茶了。。
我不期盼什么。。
如果他送上一句简单的问候。。我会很开心。。
好像说：“好好照顾身体。。健康为重”
我会很高兴。。。
但他只是问我：“你生病吗？”
但不用紧啦。。。这一切已经不重要了。。

今天我的朋友=L
我们是做工认识的。。
虽然认识的时间不长。。
但他好像知道我的最爱。。。
爱好。。食物。。
有一天。。。我有点不舒服。。我想回家。。
刚好电话没钱了。。
我跟MANAGER 说我要回家。。
她不给。。她要我找人代替。。
我。。不知道怎么办才好。。
刚好他的电话也没钱了。。
他使劲方法打电话给一个人。。
最后。。打到了。。
她肯代替我。。^^
然后他还去买蛋挞给我吃。。。
我敢说。。
除了家人之外。。没有人知道我很爱蛋挞。。
他没当面给我。。
他放在我的书包里。。
我到家才发觉。。
虽然已经碎了。。冷了。。
但放在嘴里。。非常温暖。。。
第二天。。。我问他。。
你为什么买蛋挞?
他问说:"你不喜欢吗？”
我笑着回答他。。
蛋挞--我的最爱^^
他笑了。。
我也笑了。。。^^

2/12/2008
9.02pm

SPM...finally...over...(eng)

blogger:

today...Dec 2...his SPM is over...
i asked him yesterday...
"2moro, r u going anywhere?"
he said:" no"
then i asked him to go out...
i said i just want to talk to him...because i long time didn't talk to him already...
he answered me without thinking... "ok...no problem..."
the moment he answered me that...
i got a strange feeling...
i want to watch movie with him...
i want to have a simple lunch with him...
but...
the feeling tell me..."u should not!"
so...i just walk around in IOI mall today before he came...
around 1pm...he called me...
he said he at mc donald's now...
teh moment he called me...
i was at the jusco..
actually...while on the way to mc donald's...
i m still hesitating...
i called him out...am i doing the right thing?
i don't know...
i don't want to know..
i reached there...
i saw him...
i feel like...i don't want meet him...
since i said 1 year...
suppose the 1 year...we shall not meet...
but since i long time didn't talk with him...
just want to give a chance to both him and me...
i talked to him...
i don't know whether he realized or not...
the moment he talked to me...
i am crying....
last 2 days...i sicked...
sore throat...headache and flu...
my voice changed too...
i want a simple concern from him...
if he just asked me "these days you slept late is it?
take care..ok?"
i will feel very very happy...
but...now...never mind...
i don't care...

a friend is also going to IOI mall today...
he said he want to buy the rice and soap for his family...
i was so surprised...
i tell myself..i must learn from him....
he is such a great grandson...
although we just knew each other for not more than 2 months...
he knows what i like to eat...
what's my favorite...
once..i was not feeling well.....he bought a egg tart for me...
i dare to say that...
nobody except my family knows that i like egg-tart...
he is my first friend who knows about it...
he put it in my bag...i dun realize until i reached home...
i was so surprised...
although the egg tart is crushed into pieces...it turned cold...
but i felt very warm...
it is a simple present from him...
but full of meaning...especially the meaning of friendship..
the next day..
i asked him..
"why you buy egg tart for me?"
he asked me back.." u don't like it?"
i told him....egg tart..is my favourite...i long time didn't eat it...i miss it...
he looks happy...
i feel happy too^^

2/12/2008
8.35pm

die....gt any other solution?

nice day....

comments (4)

blogger:

these days it doesn't rain...i feel very happy...^^
lol...caz during the raining days...
my clothes...almost...very smelly....
swt...==''
these days the sky is so beautiful....
blue sky..
white clouds...
very big...n looks soft....
juz like the cotton.....
hmm....nice^^

these days....he treat me very good....
i dunno wat is the purpose...i juz try to gt a distance from him...
caz...we juz know each other...
i cant simply believe him...
i juz treat him as a normal fren...
he talks to me...
i talk to him...
we gt many topics..
wat he likes....i like too...
he likes to eat...
me too...
he likes badminton..
me too.....
i dunno whether HE makes it purposely....o.....wat..
i juz dun wan to think of it...
everyone says he likes me.....
but i dun really think so...
we juz known each other not even 1 month.....
how can?
this thing couldn't be happened...
even every night...after working.....
he accompanies me to my mum's car...
i feel very touching...
caz i know he really care about me..
juz like a bro n a sis....
these days he really care me..
he is a great fren..
he is different compared to his frens....
i m not saying his frens r not good....
juz he is a bit special compared to his frens....
almost.....everything he likes....
my favourite....
but i m controling myself....
i tell myself....
i muz not accept him...
i already told him...
he seems understand it....
but seems not....
dunno how...
i juz looking at the sky....
it looks very beautiful n nice...

by the end of november 2008...
i will stop working....
i gonna say bye to him n everyone...
i gt a feeling.....juz dun wan leave it so much.....
caz it brings many memories to me....
u let me know him....
but i wont meet him anymore...
but..i believe...
if there is an oppoutunity for us to meet....
we will meet no matter how....
good luck m frens....^^

我很煩惱！！！！

親愛的部落格：

昨天。。。他說。。。他不想再等。。。他更不想等到一年。。。
我。。。當時。。。腦袋空白了。。。
我不知道要回答他什么。。。
他說給他一次機會。。。
我給了。。。
但還是要等一年后。。。我們才正式做回情侶。。。
我希望用那一年的時間去慢慢了解對方。。。
以后吵架也會減少。。。
當時當他說：“我么做回情侶吧。。”
我。。真的很想說：“好吧。。我們從頭開始。。。”
可是。。。不曉得我是否愛得他太深了。。。
自從我跟他說：“我們做回普通朋友吧。。。”
我對身邊的男生。。。一點感覺也沒了。。。
以前。。。我看到那些酷帥的男生。。
我都會多看他們一點。。。
甚至目不轉睛得看著他們。。。
讓他們注意注意我。。。
但。。。現在。。。都沒了。。。
我很少都看男生一眼。。。
也很少跟男生說話了。。。
我還真擔心。。我性取向是否出了問題。。。哈～真好笑。。。

有一天。。。他真的弄到我很生氣。。。。
他問我：“我們分手的原因是不是因為第三者？”
我看了。。。我很生氣。。。
我不回他。。。
我真的很想告訴他說：“如果你相信我的話。。我不需要解釋那么多。。
但是相反的。。如果你不相信我。。。我會跟你解釋一切。。。”
你得到答案。。但是。。我們完了。。。
這種情形是不該發生在情侶之間。。。
全世界的人可以懷疑我。。。唯你不能。。。
全世界的人可以問我以上的問題。。。唯你不能。。。
你根本不了解我。。。你認為我是這樣的人嗎？
我是那么不值得讓你信任嗎？
我的心。。。
好比被一把鋒利的刀慢慢的割下。。。
那種痛。。。
又久。。。又痛。。。
我寧愿那瞬間快點過去·。。。
但是。。。疤痕久久都不離我而去。。。
很痛。。。很痛。。。
你不是我。。。你永遠不了解那種痛苦。。。

我何嘗不想很你和好？
我也很懷念當時我們共渡的歡樂時刻。。。
可是。。。我對感情事。。。一點也不想提。。。也不想去想。。。
太復雜了。。。
每當我想著我們要一起出去。。。
要去越遠越好。。還是近近的呢？
太遠。。媽媽會問。。。：“有誰去？怎么去？”
太近。。怕會遇到熟人。。。
沒辦法。。。媽媽和爸爸的人緣太好了。。。
朋友太多。。。
我倒哪里。。。都會遇到他們的朋友。。。
太遠。。。若只是我跟他。。。
就要說騙話了。。。
我說騙話。。。一定會被揭穿。。。
當時。。。就糟了！！

我每次都為此事而煩惱。。。
媽媽和爸爸也慢慢不讓我出。。。
他們說。。。：“不放心。。。”
就連我要到生活營。。。他們也多多藉口。。。
我不知道他們是為我好還是什么。。。。
我不想去想了。。。
只想一個人。。
冷靜冷靜。。。

18/11/2008
1.33pm
瑩

finally...we r over...aren't we?

comments (3)

blogger:

yesterday....
i dunno am i doing the right thing now....
i told him....
frens r better...
he din say anything.....
i guess...
juz 4 months..
it din last long....
i tot we will last long 4 at least 1 year...
not many frens know about it...
we decide to keep it...
we even wan to continue back...
sharing every single moment together..
but now...
cannot ...n it's no more...
everything...starting from now...
hav to face alone...
i really miss the moment we had been wif together...
but if he is willing to change 4 me...
i will wait de....
no matter how long...
i hope he will think maturely...
always think of the positive way...
be more independent....
be more...concern...
juz like...i no need say anything he aledi know wat am i thinking...
he might be going to US soon...
good luck to him...
this memory...will keep inside my mind..
although it is juz a short moment...
we r still frens...
aren't we?
frens forever...

14/11/2008
11.30am

i....dunno ...wat to say...i juz want to talk to u...

blogger:
yesterday i went to sunway lagoon....i having fun there...
is true....
but it rains...lol...
half fun gone 4 it....
i...
dunno y....
i feel like....
he shall not wait 4 me....
1 year...
my frens said..
"wat?!..i year? too long le ba!"
i dunno...
my mind suddenly come out that 1 year....
i think he can find someone better den me...
but y..he said he can wait until my spm over?
i even giv him sign....
we back to normal frens...
he dun wan....
blogger..u know?
the moment i told him 'we back to normal frens...ok?"
my heart ....very very hurt...
i even wat to take back my words...
can i ?
i dun think i can....
i even wan to tell him...
i really need u....
if 1 day he leave me...
i wont say anything..
because...he really found someone better....
i...am not a good girl at all...
i am ...truly bad...
i m blur....
forgetful...
i know my physical appearance is the worst among my frens...
everytime....he said u r better dne many frens...
i dun think so...
i feel that he juz is to make me happier...

these days..
i dunno wat happen to my mum....
she...gt angry easily....
maybe her mood not so good...
den ..nvm la...
but everytime....y dun she giv me compliment...
giv me support?
i really need her support...
i always ask opinion from her...
she is my idol actually...
i always respect her...
i admit....
gt a few times i talk loudly to her....
she that time dun like me anymore..but that time i was really moody...
after that i was so sorry....
i tell myself....
i muz be more independent...
anything only myself will know....
my fren...his name L...
he know i gt many problem keep inside my heart....
he even tell me ...
dun keep everything inside ur heart...
say it out....
u will feel better....
i feel very touching...
my tears...
i cant control...
sometimes...i hope L is him....
i hope he will understand my mind....
even sometimes i din treat him well..
i really hope he understands the purpose i did it....
blogger...
luckily i hav a gang of frens...
they giv me happy moment...
they care 4 me...most of the time...
i...
wat they had done....
i really appreciate it...
thx^^...

13/11/2008
1.15pm

when you are gone...i really miss u....

I always need time on my own...
I never thought I''d need you there when I cry.....
And the days feel like years when I''m alone.....
And the bed where you lie.....
is made up on your side......
When you walk away.....
I count the steps that you take......
Do you see how much I need you right now?.....
When you''re gone......
The pieces of my heart are missing you.........
When you''re gone.............
The face I came to know is missing too........
When you''re gone..............
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day.......
And make it OK.........
I miss you............
I''ve never felt this way before......
Everything that I do...........
Reminds me of you............
And the clothes you left............
they lie on my floor...........
And they smell just like you....
I love the things that you do.......

We were made for each other........
Out here forever......
I know we were........
All I ever wanted was for you to know....
Everything I do I give my heart and soul...........
I can hardly breathe.........
I need to feel you here with me....

16/10/2008
8.50pm...
natalie...

i grow big aledi^^

blogger^^

blogger...i din cry 4 two days already...
i feel very very happy.....^^
i am not as down as before.....
because....i found somewhere will make me happy....
someone teach me to be happy....
the way they teach me....
is very useful....
once i be with them.....
i will forget any unhappy thing....
yesterday night...
i talk to him....
we work and talk....
i realize....
i am better than him....
he told me....
since 2 years old...
he din see his mother....
he said...his mother run away....
and he have 2 brothers and 2 sisters....
he is the eldest....
he said...now he is living with his grandma...
before that....
nobody want him...
they throw him here and there...
he feel lonely...
sometimes he want to kill himself....
he feel that he is not supposed to belong to this world....

but then....
he met 1 girl....
that girl chase him....
that girl passed by his class purposely...
ask for his hand phone number...
then...they started for 2 weeks...
haiz..
after that....
they break up....
he feel very very sad...
he said he will find out the guy and kill him...
lol...
ok bye....
i will let u more about this next time...bye^^

i feel better now....

my dearest blogger:

compared to yesterday....
i feel better today....
i am not as down as yesterday...
before sleeping....
i cried in front of the computer screen...
someone gave me a key....
he let me to open the doors......
i know how to open already...
actually it is not hard...
juz sometimes....
i don't know where to get the key....
i can get the key by myself.....
sometimes...i really want someone to give me the special key to open the special door....
i don't know why....
everytime when i was lost....
i want him to be with me....
but....he will not always next to me...
i want to lean on his back...
cry at the back....
o shoulder....
but...
maybe...i have to find another key to open this big door....
haiz...but i don't want to think of this problem....
i just plan....
n HE decide everything....

sometimes....i really want someone to call me..sms me....
but now...my phone no credit...
lol...
talk to me....
but...now it is ok....
maybe the key...the starting will be hard...but after that....
i can see my dream place...
my dream house....
i am very very tired now....
i want to rest.....
sometimes....
i draw my dream house...
my dream beach.....
with the clean water..
bule sky....
white cloud....
the seaguls.....
flying here n there....
and then....
i can see the sun set....
red n orange....n also yellow.....
juz like an egg....
very very nice...
i wish i can be there...
blogger....u want to go there?
that is the nicest place....
u will like it....
only u n me....
u r always my best listner...
my best fren...

actually blogger hard to be?
i hope next time...
i just want to be a tree...hmm...coconut tree the best....
i want to live by the beach....
living with sunset....blue sky....
n white cloud....
if possible....there is also the rainbow...
with the 7 colours....
i like it....
i will meet u up there....i might be late...
u will go there and wait for me right?

13/10/2008
10.43am
natalie ":>

T-T i m lost!!!

dear blogger:

i m lost....i dunno wat can i do....
i did the worst thing...i made a big mistake in my life......
i cry in front of someone who i love the most in my life--my parents...
i dunno y...they talk about my job in sushi-king....
the crew all treat me very good.....the best.....thanks....
they talk n talk...i noe they care about me.....
they wan to noe whether i happy to work there o not....
i tell them honestly...
i m very very happy.....
no need worry about me....
then they ask....
u aledi biasa to there?
i answered: yes.....
then they ask this...ask that....
tehry dun believe i really happy there....
sometimes i really wan to commit suicide...
once i hold a knife.....
i holding towards my veins....
i hestitated...
shall i?
i dunno....
i scared of pain....
i dun wan suffered...
i dun wan leave the world so fast...
i dun wan leave teh 3 ppl i love the most in this world...
i wan to share my every single moment wif them....
i m lost...is true...
blogger...
i dunno wat can i do...
i only noe u r the best listner....
u wont scold me...
u wont blame me....
i noe....
sometimes....when i was alone...
i always think of the side.......
i wan to cry...
i wan to cry in front of a person....
i wan to tell someone my problem....
but nobody...
i wan to tell him....
but something bad had happened to him....
i dun wan giv him some burden....
so...i carry myself.....
sometimes i cry at the toilet...
i open the water paip...
make it noisy...
i cry inside it....
i dun wan let my family to hear about it...
everytime...
i make myself happy....
i force myself to smile in front of my frens...
i cant!!!
i was really really unhappy....
sometimes....i wna to lean on someone's back...
n cry....
shoulder oso can....
i wan to cry..
i wan to go to the beach...
i wan to scream.....
but....
i dun noe how to go...
who can bring me???
blogger...can u bring me the otehr side of the world...
only u n me....
i wan a good listner...
but i haven find 1....
i m a good listner sometimes....
but y no none willing to be my listner?
i wan to c teh counselor...
but i scared my fren ask me....
u meet counselor?
wat happen to u???
i scared to be malu...
i really 'love face"....
i cant let anyone c my weakness...
i dunno who can i cry to....
i cannot even cry in front of anyone.....
who can help me?

owo...wonderful trip^^

today...29/9/2008...is my fren's bday...
'happy birthday!"^^
wish all his dreams come true^^
well...today...
i went to IOI mall..
lol...IOI again....
hmm....although it is a bit dull...
but i had enjoyed myself...
because..haha!!!
i went there by bus leh...hehe...
i proud of myself..lol...
jk la...
nth to proud oso...
but the most enjoyable thing is...
i bought a present 4 my best fren..
wif him....
the present is very very special...
once i reached home...
i told my sis about the present...
lol...she is jealous...
she even call my dad to back home earlier...
she wanna buy the last stock....
it is very cute u noe???
but...anyway sorry...
cant post the pic right now...
maybe the receiver will post it...
juz wait ya^^

hmm...anyway....
this month..
we went out 4 a few times....
it was unexpected..
i thought i will only c him after the holiday....
but...this month....is really an enjoyable month....
thx^^i am really happy today.....
more then limit.....
haha!!!2moro go sunway lagoon....
i cant wait.....
lol...
i must enjoy myself there....
must!!! i promise myself^^

29/9/2008...
natalie...
8.08 pm...^^

yeah...!!!maybe going to genting...^^

2moro....my aunt from johor is coming to my house...
guess wat???
haha!!! we going to genting...^^
i long time din c my cousin aledi...
den...2 days later...
another aunt..oso from johor....
bring her new born child n let us c him...
wow...wonderful....
i cant wait...
muz take a few pics wif him....^^
he sure will like it....caz...i m his cousin..lolz...
my few frens oso going to genting...
i wish i can meet them....^^
but..mostly....
go genting nth to do....
most of my cousin too small..
if play outdoor games....
all r underage....
den my sis n bro..
sure go CC...
parents....n aunt sure go casino....
haiz...left me alone...
i always pray i could meet my frens there....
but...
honestly....0% meet 1 frens over there....
but nvm^^
i gt my cousin to accompany me...
i dun mind babysit them...
i love them....
because all treat me very good...
so..i love u...muacks...^^

i dunno wat m i feeling....

yesterday..26/9/2008...
my frens all suddenly break promise wif me...
actually i m planing to go to IOI n watch MEET DAVE wif my beloved frens by next wednesday..
but most of them cannot...
ok fine...
den change to yesterday...
one by one told me cannot go...haiz..
they said i ask J to go..i sure abandon them....
maybe i will...
i try to convince them i wont...
but lastly....
2 of us going....

dunno y...
i feel better at the park when i be wif him..
at the shopping center...i always feel very weird....
i feel that at the park he treat me better compared wif yesterday...
hmm...
maybe he didn't feel that....
but ok....fine...
so i try to ask my frens to go wif me...
i feel better...
argh!!!! all dun wan go...
dunno whether they r playing wif me o not....
haiz....
no more next time...
4 me....
i belong 2 the natural...
i always feel like no topic to talk wif him....
i try my best to think of many interesting topics...
but i still cannot enter his key....
he prefer football...
i prefer badminton.....
he likes games....
i dun like..
honestly...there is a great distance between me n him.....
my confident decrease from day to day....
will it be 0 ???
i dunno....
i hope it wont happen.....

12.14pm...
by natalie....
27/9/2008

M is hopeless....will anyone help u???

ops...4gt about birthday cake...lolz...

this cake is special 4 someone.....
i hope u will enjoy...
maybe u dun like strawberry flavor...
but next time only i giv u the chocolate n vanilla flavor la...^^

4.24pm..=)

happy birthday...=)

today....is my friends' birthday....
i only wish one of them...
the other 1....i dunno whether i should wish him o not....
caz...i dun have his contact number....he seldom online...n he has no friendster....
we juz met each other 2 months ago..in tuition center...
honestly...this is our first meet after our primary school life....
when i met him...
i juz said hi to him...
den he reply me...hi^^
den...we seem no topic to talk....
i dunno y....suddenly i gt a sense of feeling that.....
"we should not talk so much..."
i dunno y....
maybe i knew that he gt gf....she is my fren....
so...after that.....
we never talk to each other...
even we r in the same tuition center..
most of the time...i come late...
n he back home aledi...
maybe...we really no jodoh...
but...nvm....maybe i found a better 1...
good luck frens...^^
happy birthday...
may all ur wish come true...^^
good luck in ur trial exam....^^pass wif flying colours...
i trust u can do...so...do trust yourself too^^

i m nt happy today.....T.T

yesterday night.....while on the way to tuition center....my mum took me there...we talked to each other...
my mum talked about my father...my siblings...
i feel a bit guilty....
because my mum told me about my dad's health condition.....
my mum said my dad gt high cholesterol....far higher then normal....
i m worried....i even sometimes gt nightmare......
so....after getting his health report....
he take the medicine everyday....
he control they types of food he consume everyday....
but he told my mum that...after he taking the medicine..which will lower the cholesterol back to normal...he always goes to toilet...especially at night.....n this cause him cannot sleep well....
i dunno....i seem useless....i cant do anything......
i try to help.....but i dunno how to help....can someone tell me???

these days my grandpa stays at my house...he is oso having the same problem as my dad...
but he is more serious...sometimes his hand no response....n oso the legs...my mum gt to massage 4 him....the doctor says that my grandpa's blood sometimes din reach the hand n leg n caz temporally no response...so..massage can help.....
sometimes if my mum busy...i will help her to massage my grandpa...
although it is quite tiring...but i m satisfied....i juz dun wan my mum getting busy n busy...
she need a rest...everyday..she will wake up earlier den all of us...she prepare everything....breakfast..lunch...dinner.....these days dunno y....she is quite forgetful...juz like today....she tot i gonna stay back...n she drive her car away...luckily my frens told her...thx^^if not...i dunno how......

i told her....i will help her to remind grandpa to take medicine...den u can relax a bit...
she said ok.....but sometimes morning grandpa gt to take medicine...n i will not at home...den i ask her to promise me....anything that need my help...juz tell me....i will not complain....i promise...

i oso promise myself....to study hard....
i dun wan my parents getting more stress.....
i wan them to enjoy...i promise....i will let 2 of u enjoy after i gt my job....
i promise!!!!
i oso promise myself....to study hard 4 the final exam....
i wish i can gt the ASEAN scholarship....
den u can juz release 1 burden.....
giv me time...
i promise.....

haiz...school going to reopen....sobT.T

only 2 days to go....
left 2 days 4 me to enjoy!!!!!
not fun enough!!!
i haven enjoy myself yet....T.T
everyday homework.....
project 4 this..project 4 that...........
y leh??
form 4 life r so tough.....
haiz...
but.....a few months to go...
that time i end my form 4 life..
muahaha...
den enjoy myself 1st....
later...haiz..
gt to work hard again....
nvm....
it's juz a small challenge.....
i muz....study hard...!!!!!!
i wan to be an excellent nurse.....!!!!
i muz!!!!!!!
all the best...
kampateh....
jia you........4 u too^^

i like..i love DIY product....u too??^.^

i like DIY product...i love DIY product!!!!!!!!!!!!
lolz.....quite crazy..sorry=.=''
DIY product very nice....
although it's not better den the product u buy outside...
but it's the best 4 me....
many ppl say that DIY not nice....
but 4 me....
it's the best present i have ever received^^
because......this is given by ppl's true heart......
but not only buy something expensive n juz giv ppl......
not sincere enough...4 me la...lolz...

i love hamster....i love them more den my parents...my family...my relatives...swt=.=''
they very cute!!!!!their pics r shown as above....hehe^^
cute???
if cute...remember to giv comments....
thx ya^^
now looking 4 a few cute hamsters.....
i wan them to accompany me...
although juz 2 years....
it's already satisfy me.....
i will miss them.....
now i really miss my dear.....
he leave me 4 few years aledi.....
i really miss him....
where r u??
r u fine??
i m fine here......
dun worry about me....n_n

boring day....

yesterday...malaysian--lee chong wei enter final of the beijing olimpic badminton....
i feel very happy...even proud to be a malaysian...
i tell myself...its my luck to be a malaysian...
he played excellently...
although i feel that he is a bit exhausted....i know he was satisfied with his own achievement...^^
my family n i gathered in the living room....
stared at the screen.....
we shout 'yes!!" once he scored 1 mark....lolz...
we were happy of his achievement...n his results...
excellent...!!!!=)

meanwhile boon heong lose 3 days ago.....
everyone is blaming him....says that he very chuan....never play harder....
i dunno....i trust him..maybe he is too exhausted...why shall we blame him??????
he had tried his best..i know...
when he lose...everyone says that he is lame..stupid...
y they never consider his feeling??wat will happen if the same thing happen to them????
i wish to tell them...we are not even the player....we will not know how stressful they are....
we shall pray 4 them....give support to them,...
but y??once they lose...we must blame them???y not we encourage them to work harder next time....doesn't it a better way???do it???
we shall look forward....nobody will success always in their life....
the most important thing is...once we fall down....
we must know how to get up....but not cry n give up our life...
before we do something crazy....mad.....(example:commit suicide)
think of our frens...family...and the ppl who care 4 us....
dun let them worry about us....
i know boon heong wont do that....he is strong enough...good luck^^
i will always support u....if u fall down...dun 4gt..u still gt many frens....who r willing to be wif u in every single moment....=)

2moro....17/8/2008....good luck chong wei.....^^

u noe the meaning of this poem?

相见时难别亦难，东风无力百花残，
春蚕到死丝方尽，蜡炬成灰泪始干。
晓镜但愁云鬓改，夜吟应觉月光寒，
蓬山此去无多路，青鸟殷勤为探看。

if u know the meaning of this poem...
i will be very happy....
if u recite this poem to me...
i will be happier...^^
but..nvm la..it's ok if u din do so....=) i wont mind..

Do i really understand myself?

most of the times...
i dunno how to express myself...even my feeling...
i wan to tell u many things...(include my feeling towards u..)
but sometimes..i dun dare to say that to u...
i even lie to u...
say something that is not exactly what i want to say to u...
i dunno...maybe i am too shy to say that....
i know u have tolerance with me....
u even respect me...
every decision i made...u didn't give me any comments..decide whether i am wrong o correct...
i know maybe i am not a good observant....(i try my best to be a good observant)
i dun treat u nicely....
but u never feel unsatisfied....u never complaint....
i know that i must do the best....
i will not abandon u...
i wont let u gt such feeling....
so i try my best to spend my time with u....

u are going to face your SPM...
i know i should not disturb u...
but sometimes...i really enjoy every single moment when i be with u...
so i spend the time to do revision with u..
i know i won't help much...
so..i try my best to help u...
caz i wan to be with u...
if can..i really hope we live nearby...
so that we can walk home together...
i wish that will happen...
but i know..its impossible...
i oso hope that u can wait for me(after school)...although the there is juz a few minutes..
i really enjoy every single seconds with u...
now u gt SPM...u shall spend most of your time on study...(u can even ignore me..i wont mind^^)
i juz hope that u can pass with flying colours...^^
all the best....=)

sad &gloomy..

everyday...i hope u will appear in front of me....
especially when i was not happy...
i hope u will lend me your shoulder so that i can lie on it ...
let me feel the warmness....
i wish that from u...
thats before....
but now...
it seems i no need that 1 from u...
i dunno why...n the factor that cause this...
i know...i am not the best in this world...
i try to perform my best to u...
i try to change myself...
i try not to be rude in front of u....
i try to be your good listener...
i try my best to care about u...
i want to impress u...
sometimes if u compare me with her...(i know u din do tat..but sometimes i feel that)
i will jealous...because she is more beautiful than me..is true...i cant deny...
i know i was a bit sensitive....but sometimes....i cant stop myself from thinking that...
everyday i tell myself...2 of u r juz frens...its nth....

every time if there is anything happen...i wish to tell u that....
i wan u to know more about me..
but most of the time...i would rather tell someone that i dunno well...than u..
i dunno y...i try to keep everything inside my heart...n zip my mouth...
i dun wish to tell u that...caz i scared u being hurt again...

Beijing Olimpic2008

8/8/2008..a memorable day..everyone is concern on this day...
no one will forget about it...
China spent 5 years to plan for it...
they had done their good job...^^
i wish i could be there to enjoy myself....
seeing the fireworks....Malaysian athletes...n support them...
enjoying the precious moment there...it will be very nice...
i just imagine...my heart seem 'flying' to there already...haha!!!!
but anyway...
there is still live on the opening ceremony on the Astro channels and local channels...
although i cannot be there....but i am glad that there are a few channels are live...
i can see the overview of the ceremony...
n dun have to squeeze with other ppl....but watching the ceremony by eating the popcorns drinking the cold drinks...in a cold room...^^

Newcomers..