~SiLeNt MoMeNt ~

dear blogger:

i m lost....i dunno wat can i do....
i did the worst thing...i made a big mistake in my life......
i cry in front of someone who i love the most in my life--my parents...
i dunno y...they talk about my job in sushi-king....
the crew all treat me very good.....the best.....thanks....
they talk n talk...i noe they care about me.....
they wan to noe whether i happy to work there o not....
i tell them honestly...
i m very very happy.....
no need worry about me....
then they ask....
u aledi biasa to there?
i answered: yes.....
then they ask this...ask that....
tehry dun believe i really happy there....
sometimes i really wan to commit suicide...
once i hold a knife.....
i holding towards my veins....
i hestitated...
shall i?
i dunno....
i scared of pain....
i dun wan suffered...
i dun wan leave the world so fast...
i dun wan leave teh 3 ppl i love the most in this world...
i wan to share my every single moment wif them....
i m lost...is true...
blogger...
i dunno wat can i do...
i only noe u r the best listner....
u wont scold me...
u wont blame me....
i noe....
sometimes....when i was alone...
i always think of the side.......
i wan to cry...
i wan to cry in front of a person....
i wan to tell someone my problem....
but nobody...
i wan to tell him....
but something bad had happened to him....
i dun wan giv him some burden....
so...i carry myself.....
sometimes i cry at the toilet...
i open the water paip...
make it noisy...
i cry inside it....
i dun wan let my family to hear about it...
everytime...
i make myself happy....
i force myself to smile in front of my frens...
i cant!!!
i was really really unhappy....
sometimes....i wna to lean on someone's back...
n cry....
shoulder oso can....
i wan to cry..
i wan to go to the beach...
i wan to scream.....
but....
i dun noe how to go...
who can bring me???
blogger...can u bring me the otehr side of the world...
only u n me....
i wan a good listner...
but i haven find 1....
i m a good listner sometimes....
but y no none willing to be my listner?
i wan to c teh counselor...
but i scared my fren ask me....
u meet counselor?
wat happen to u???
i scared to be malu...
i really 'love face"....
i cant let anyone c my weakness...
i dunno who can i cry to....
i cannot even cry in front of anyone.....
who can help me?