I always need time on my own...
I never thought I''d need you there when I cry.....
And the days feel like years when I''m alone.....
And the bed where you lie.....
is made up on your side......
When you walk away.....
I count the steps that you take......
Do you see how much I need you right now?.....
When you''re gone......
The pieces of my heart are missing you.........
When you''re gone.............
The face I came to know is missing too........
When you''re gone..............
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day.......
And make it OK.........
I miss you............
I''ve never felt this way before......
Everything that I do...........
Reminds me of you............
And the clothes you left............
they lie on my floor...........
And they smell just like you....
I love the things that you do.......
We were made for each other........
Out here forever......
I know we were........
All I ever wanted was for you to know....
Everything I do I give my heart and soul...........
I can hardly breathe.........
I need to feel you here with me....
16/10/2008
8.50pm...
natalie...
blogger^^
blogger...i din cry 4 two days already...
i feel very very happy.....^^
i am not as down as before.....
because....i found somewhere will make me happy....
someone teach me to be happy....
the way they teach me....
is very useful....
once i be with them.....
i will forget any unhappy thing....
yesterday night...
i talk to him....
we work and talk....
i realize....
i am better than him....
he told me....
since 2 years old...
he din see his mother....
he said...his mother run away....
and he have 2 brothers and 2 sisters....
he is the eldest....
he said...now he is living with his grandma...
before that....
nobody want him...
they throw him here and there...
he feel lonely...
sometimes he want to kill himself....
he feel that he is not supposed to belong to this world....
but then....
he met 1 girl....
that girl chase him....
that girl passed by his class purposely...
ask for his hand phone number...
then...they started for 2 weeks...
haiz..
after that....
they break up....
he feel very very sad...
he said he will find out the guy and kill him...
lol...
ok bye....
i will let u more about this next time...bye^^
my dearest blogger:
compared to yesterday....
i feel better today....
i am not as down as yesterday...
before sleeping....
i cried in front of the computer screen...
someone gave me a key....
he let me to open the doors......
i know how to open already...
actually it is not hard...
juz sometimes....
i don't know where to get the key....
i can get the key by myself.....
sometimes...i really want someone to give me the special key to open the special door....
i don't know why....
everytime when i was lost....
i want him to be with me....
but....he will not always next to me...
i want to lean on his back...
cry at the back....
o shoulder....
but...
maybe...i have to find another key to open this big door....
haiz...but i don't want to think of this problem....
i just plan....
n HE decide everything....
sometimes....i really want someone to call me..sms me....
but now...my phone no credit...
lol...
talk to me....
but...now it is ok....
maybe the key...the starting will be hard...but after that....
i can see my dream place...
my dream house....
i am very very tired now....
i want to rest.....
sometimes....
i draw my dream house...
my dream beach.....
with the clean water..
bule sky....
white cloud....
the seaguls.....
flying here n there....
and then....
i can see the sun set....
red n orange....n also yellow.....
juz like an egg....
very very nice...
i wish i can be there...
blogger....u want to go there?
that is the nicest place....
u will like it....
only u n me....
u r always my best listner...
my best fren...
actually blogger hard to be?
i hope next time...
i just want to be a tree...hmm...coconut tree the best....
i want to live by the beach....
living with sunset....blue sky....
n white cloud....
if possible....there is also the rainbow...
with the 7 colours....
i like it....
i will meet u up there....i might be late...
u will go there and wait for me right?
13/10/2008
10.43am
natalie ":>
dear blogger:
i m lost....i dunno wat can i do....
i did the worst thing...i made a big mistake in my life......
i cry in front of someone who i love the most in my life--my parents...
i dunno y...they talk about my job in sushi-king....
the crew all treat me very good.....the best.....thanks....
they talk n talk...i noe they care about me.....
they wan to noe whether i happy to work there o not....
i tell them honestly...
i m very very happy.....
no need worry about me....
then they ask....
u aledi biasa to there?
i answered: yes.....
then they ask this...ask that....
tehry dun believe i really happy there....
sometimes i really wan to commit suicide...
once i hold a knife.....
i holding towards my veins....
i hestitated...
shall i?
i dunno....
i scared of pain....
i dun wan suffered...
i dun wan leave the world so fast...
i dun wan leave teh 3 ppl i love the most in this world...
i wan to share my every single moment wif them....
i m lost...is true...
blogger...
i dunno wat can i do...
i only noe u r the best listner....
u wont scold me...
u wont blame me....
i noe....
sometimes....when i was alone...
i always think of the side.......
i wan to cry...
i wan to cry in front of a person....
i wan to tell someone my problem....
but nobody...
i wan to tell him....
but something bad had happened to him....
i dun wan giv him some burden....
so...i carry myself.....
sometimes i cry at the toilet...
i open the water paip...
make it noisy...
i cry inside it....
i dun wan let my family to hear about it...
everytime...
i make myself happy....
i force myself to smile in front of my frens...
i cant!!!
i was really really unhappy....
sometimes....i wna to lean on someone's back...
n cry....
shoulder oso can....
i wan to cry..
i wan to go to the beach...
i wan to scream.....
but....
i dun noe how to go...
who can bring me???
blogger...can u bring me the otehr side of the world...
only u n me....
i wan a good listner...
but i haven find 1....
i m a good listner sometimes....
but y no none willing to be my listner?
i wan to c teh counselor...
but i scared my fren ask me....
u meet counselor?
wat happen to u???
i scared to be malu...
i really 'love face"....
i cant let anyone c my weakness...
i dunno who can i cry to....
i cannot even cry in front of anyone.....
who can help me?